We all go through tough times where we can find ourselves straying.

From simple procrastination to an identity crisis, feeling lost means aimlessly floating through life, with no way of weighting you to the spot to help discover which way is up. Your ‘Stone of Life’ is that anchor that allows you to steady the ship before you forge on.

The ‘Stone of Life’ is a term coined by Dr Steve Peters, in his acclaimed book, ‘The Chimp Paradox’. It is a mind management model, which you can utilise to “achieve success, confidence and happiness”. It’s built on complex and scientific underpinning, but it’s packaged in a way that someone as daft as me can understand.

The entire book includes gems of knowledge throughout, of which I’ll no doubt break down in further articles. But one that I want to focus on is the ‘Stone on Life’.

 

What is the Stone of Life?

Credit: Unsplash.

Your ‘Stone of Life’ brings together some of your deep beliefs into one area, which acts as your ultimate go-to reference point. This starting point can help focus your life and you can allow it to influence your decision-making process going forward. It is made up of three areas:

 

Truths of Life

These are what you believe to be true of life and how the world works. 

They’re also very influential as it can shape your response to situations in life. An example of Dr Peters is that “life isn’t fair”. If you accept this as truth, you’ll be less agitated and annoyed when things don’t go your way. That’s life, you move on. Yet if your conditioned to believe everything should be fair and correct, it can seriously affect you when life throws you a curveball. Which it often does. 

The three which Dr Peters use are:

 

  • Life isn’t fair
  • The goalposts move
  • There are no guarantees

 

Take time to think about your own and what you believe as life. It’s not only a good stabiliser moving forwards, but very revealing.

 

Values

Without delving too much further into the book, a phrase throughout states that “the person you want to be is the person you are.” In short, who you want to be arises from your honest truthful place, but each action against this is your innate primal “chimp” sabotaging you. So you decide your own fate. If you truly want to be an honest person, for example, you are. These values come from within, so it’s important to have a think about what yours are and write them down

The difference between ‘Truths’ and ‘Values’ is that truths are evidence-based. Values are your own personal judgement calls.

 

Life Force

When I read about ‘Life Force’, something resonated.

Try this. The book encourages you to “imagine that you are 100 years old and on your death bed with one minute to live. Your grandchild asks you to tell them what should they do with their life”. So, what would you say? Actually, take one minute now to answer honestly.

Done? That is your life force. You’ve just identified the most important things to you, the essence of what you live by. This ‘advice’ that you’d give, is advice to yourself. You’d help your loved ones with this advice, so why aren’t you listening to yourself? If you’re not living by your own truthful advice, then you’re living a lie and you need to make lifestyle changes. “Don’t live a lie; this will unsettle you more than anything else”. This was one of the most powerful lines in the entire book and hit me right in the face. 

 

 

Taking the time to develop your entire ‘Stone of Life’ is a revealing yet settling practice in building the foundations you need to move forward. 

Write them down, print them out, and stick them on your wall. The more you see them, remember them and recall them, the more they’ll infiltrate your everyday thinking. They’ll begin to appear as you make decisions, providing you with the true lense in which you wish to see life through. 

The ten minutes it takes to create could earn you a vital mind management tool you’ll use for the rest of your life.

 

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